Thirty Seven Dicks
by Vicki Vex
So this past Halloween, my boyfriend, and I went out as Dante and Veronica from the movie, Clerks. If you’ve never seen clerks before, I highly recommend it. There’s a hilarious scent in the film, where Dante and Veronica are having a fight concerning her sexual experiences before they started dating. During the conversation, Dante asks Veronica how many dicks she sucked before they met. Veronica tells him she had sucked 36 dicks before they began going out. Dante asks, “Is that including me?” Veronica replies. “No. You with you, it’s 37 dicks.” It’s completely hilarious.
How Many Dicks Have You Sucked?
At the Halloween party that evening, people would ask who we were supposed to be for Halloween and we’d tell them Veronica and Dante. If they knew about Clerks, they would laugh their asses off. If they had never seen the movie. I’d tell them the 37 dicks story. It always got a laugh. During the party, my boyfriend Danny, who I had been dating for 3 weeks asked me how many dicks I sucked before I met him. I thought he was kidding around, so I answered, “37. Why?”
“I’m not kidding, Karen,” he said. “I really want to know.”
“Danny, we’ve been dating for 3 weeks. What the fuck is your problem?”
“I just wanna know,” he answered, looking pissed off.
“None of your fucking business,” I said to him. “And if you don’t like it, you can get the fuck out.”
“Fuck you, bitch.”he said, giving me the finger. “Go fuck yourself. I’m out of here.” And he grabbed his coat and left through the side door of the club.
I shouted “Fuck you, too!” as he stormed off, but with the loud, thumping music, I don’t think he heard me.
I’m glad he was gone. I still had Katy and Jeanie with me, who I saw walking into the ladies room. I followed them in.
“Are you guys having fun?” Katy asked, as we waited for an available stall.
“We got into a fight and he left I said. “He actually had the nerve to ask me how many dicks I’ve sucked before we met.”
Both girls broke into hysterical laughter.
“How many did you tell him?” Jeanine asked, laughing uncontrollably.
“I didn’t. I told him it was none of his fucking business,” I said.
“I hate when guys ask questions like that,” Katy said. “It’s ok for them to do anything they want, but we’re all whores if we’ve sucked a certain amount of cock previous to meeting them.”
“Guys are assholes,” Jeanine agreed. “I told my ex I had once sucked two dicks in one night and he broke up with me.”
“You had two at the same time?” I asked, not believing my sweet innocent friend had a threesome.
“No, nothing like that,” she laughed. “I was seeing two guys who didn’t know about each other and I was going to dump the first one and go out steady with the second one. I went out with the first guy and gave him a farewell blowjob, and then I broke up with him. Then I met up with my new boyfriend later that night and blew him too.”
“Slut!” I said, laughing.
The other girls laughed, too.
“That’s what Paul called me,” Jeanine said. “We had been going out for 10 months and I thought everything was cool, but he bugged out when I answered his question and he broke up with me.”
“Did he get a farewell blowjob, too?” Katy asked.
“No, the fucking asshole never called me back, never apologized or nothing. I saw him at the supermarket last week and he completely fucking ignored me.”
“There are a lot of guys out there tonight,” Katy said. “I’m sure you’ll find a dick to suck. You’re gorgeous. I bet all you have to do is ask.”
Everyone laughed again.
“Fuck that,” I said. “I don’t even want to suck a dick tonight, Maybe I’ll turn lez. Are either of you interested?” I laughed.
“Only if we don’t find guys to fuck us,” Katy giggled. “Then we can have a threesome.”
“So how many cocks have you sucked, Karen?” Jeanine asked.
“How many have you sucked?” I asked back.
“I asked you first. Look, if you don’t want to tell us, that’s ok, but no one is judging you for it”
“I’d rather not discuss it,” I said, washing my hands next to some woman peeing in the sink next to me, for lack of toilets.
“It’s probably a lot, then.” Katy laughed.
“It’s really not that bad. I just want to keep the number to myself. In fact, I will never tell a guy again how many cocks I’ve had in my mouth. None of their fucking beeswax.”
After we left the ladies room, we drank and danced for awhile. Then we met a cool group of guys from a college in another state. We hung with them for the rest of the evening. One of them, Keith, was really cute. We danced most of the evening and even had a drunken make out session on the dance floor.
After a couple of hours, I asked Keith if he wanted to go somewhere and be alone. He told me he wasn’t driving that night. All his friends had taken an Uber.
“I have my car with me,” I said, taking him by the hand and leading him outside of the stuffy, warm nightclub and into the cool autumn air. We got inside the car and I turned on the ignition, so we could warm up a bit.
“Where are we going?” Keith asked. “How about breakfast?”
“I’d love to, but I can’t just leave my friends here. We all drove together.”
“Then where are we going?” he asked.
BJ in the Car
“We’re not going anywhere. If you want the truth, I got into a fight with my asshole boyfriend earlier and he walked put on me. I was hoping to suck your dick, as a revenge sort of thing. Are you interested?”
“Why didn’t you just say so in the first place?” Keith asked, pulling his pants down past his knees.
“That’s more like it,” I said, leaning over and grabbing hold of his admirably sized cock and squeezing it for good luck.
It was what it was. It was a car blow job with a stranger. Revenge sex for Danny treating me like I was a piece of property. But, I gave Keith one of the best blowjobs I’ve ever given. How do I know?
Because smack dab in the middle of it, there was a loud bang against the driver’s side door. Both of us jumped up quickly, thinking it might be the cops or bouncers or something. The windows had kind of steamed up a bit, and in the darkness I couldn’t make out who was doing all the banging, until I cleared my window with my sleeve.
It was fucking Danny!
Danny Goes Fucking Crazy
“You bitch. I came back to apologize for being an asshole and this is the thanks I get? You’re blowing some guy in the front seat of your fucking Honda? Let me in! I’m going to kill that fucking guy.”
“I think I’d better leave,” Keith said, pulling up his pants. “I don’t want to get in the middle of any bullshit between you and your boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I said loud enough for Danny to hear me outside of the car where he was still banging on my door. “Not anymore. And I wouldn’t leave just yet. He can’t get in here, but he’s pretty pissed. There will be a fight if you get out.”
“I don’t want to fight, but I will if I have to,” Keith said. “We have to do something.”
I turned to Keith and said, “Pull down your pants.”
“What? Are you fucking nuts?” he asked.
“Seriously. This is revenge sex. It’s better if he sees it. Don’t you think? Look, I’ll take off my clothes to show you how fucking serious I am,” I said, unbuttoning my shirt and revealing my big, bra-less tits.
“But he’s gonna keep banging on the car. Suppose he breaks a window or something?” Keith asked.
“He’s not getting in here,” I said. “Trust me. Pull down your pants and let me suck your cock.”
Guys being what guys are, Keith pulled his pants back down. His hard on was still there, and I was ready to give him a porn star bj in front of a very pissed off ex-boyfriend. I turned to face Danny at the window and said. “I’m going to finish this blowjob. You may want to go away. It’s probably not something you should see.” And then, to add more fuel to Danny’s raging fire, I turned on the car’s interior lights to give Danny a better view. He was livid. I loved it.
I don’t know if it were a combination of nerves or sexual excitement, but Keith blew his load fairly quick and because I wasn’t prepared for it, he over-flowed my mouth with his cum, which began escaping from the sides of my mouth, covering my cheeks and chin, as I continued sliding my mouth up and down Keith’s still rock hard cock. I was gently playing with myself underneath my skirt and became increasingly horny as Danny continued to dent my car with his fists and feet.
“We have to get out of here,” Keith said, pulling up his pants in my car for the second time this evening. “This guy is fucking crazy.”
“I’m already on it,” I said, starting up the car quickly and shifting into reverse and out of my parking spot so fast, Danny had to either jump out of the way or get run over. I spun the wheels so hard I covered him with dirt from the parking lot.
I was probably twenty five yards away from Danny, (who was now stupidly chasing after my car across the parking lot), when I stopped, opened my window, and stuck my head out, revealing my semen soaked face. Danny stopped running and stood there, as if her were in shock and I stared him straight in the eye and yelled out “It was 37 dicks! Is that the answer you were looking for? 37, you piece of shit. And the guy with me? He’s number 37. “I pulled out of the parking lot as quickly as possible and off into the night, only stopping a mile down the road to put my shirt back on. Both Keith and I called our friends and let them know what happened and that we wouldn’t be going back that evening. As it turns out, the whole club was outside in the parking lot watching Danny go ballistic. Jeanine told me the police showed up a few minutes later and Danny got mouthy with them, so they arrested him for drunk and disorderly.
Me? I dropped Keith off at his house, 40 miles from the club and drove back home alone. We would never see each other again.
Next weekend? I was going back to the night club to find number 38. I knew he was out there somewhere.
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